The Power of Forgiveness
Last night, I watched in awe at Chris Brown‘s tribute to MJ at the 10th anniversary BET award show. And within an hour after the show aired, several websites had already posted polarizing commentary about the event. As a friend of mine commented as we watched the show unfold, this was clearly a night of forgiveness. With Kanye opening the show upon a faux mountaintop, A. Keys on the piano baring her Swizz baby bump, T.I. gracing the stage ATL style after serving his felony time, Black America seemed to be saying, “We forgive you and we’re gonna let you shine tonight.. ”
It made me think of the importance of reflection, understanding, context and forgiveness. If we didn’t do it, we’d be living in exile alongside and amongst each other. Friends, spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, coworkers and family – they’ve all fugged up at some time and caused us great pain and disappointment. But, we’d be quite lonely if we cut off every single individual who ever hurt us in our own lives. Who’d be left?
Chris is no exception. From the moment this story broke, I thought about my own experiences being at the end of someone’s fist. And still, I felt that the backlash was tremendously unfair. He was young (19 at the time) and plain stupid. But I honestly believe that he is sincerely remorseful. Can you not comprehend the gravity of him finally being able to do a tribute to his idol and appropriately singing “Man in the Mirror?” I know this opinion of mine may anger many but are we forgetting how awfully hypocritical we are as a people? When MJ was alive, he surely did not receive the love that we currently bestow upon him. It’s as though the sea of tears we have cried represent the collective guilt over the ill-treatment he got when he was alive. Jay Z and Gucci were both caught being violent with women on videos posted on Youtube. But we’d throw up that ROC salute in a heartbeat at a Hov concert. And what about Kobe? We screamed till throbbing headaches set in when he received his MVP trophy at the 2010 NBA finals (you not me). Did we forget that he was charged with rape of that Utah blanca? Debate aside, we darn well know for sure that he slept with that chick (cause he paid her off) and gosh knows how many others… And how happy were we when we heard the ‘King’ was home? From 1998 – 2006, our T.I.P. has been arrested for a litany of drug and weapons possessions leading finally to his arrest and prison time last year for owning unregistered machine guns and silencers. 
And you know how we lovvee us some 50. Did you let it slip that when he was 19, served 6 months in boot camp for selling heroin and crack cocaine to our Queens youth? And then in 2002, he was sentenced to two years probation for assault and battery. Or does it not matter because it was a dude he beat up? Hmmmm, it also seems to me that we might be contributing to the unfair treatment of our own kind in Hollywood. We’re criticizing Chris’ Larry King bowtie and tears as publicity driven and fake and sneering at Tiger‘s ‘rehearsed’ ESPN interview back in March. But how hard do you laugh at Charlie Sheen‘s whoring antics on Two and a Half Men? Sheen has been arrested for domestic violence in 1996, 2006 and 2009. We hated on Chris’ DOPE Graffiti album but our viewer ratings helped Sheen cinch his new deal for $1.8-$1.9 mill per episode for the next two years. And what about our dear Tommy Lee who was in the background playing drums for Ludacris’ performance of “My Chick Bad”? Our Motley Crue bad-boy served 4 months in prison for domestic violence against Pam Anderson (in front their son) yet most of us simply tend to remember that they constantly break up to make up and that he’s crazy hung a la their honeymoon sex tape ….
There are many many others, Black and White, that I can call out for similarly bad behavior. But listen, I’m not railing against any of these dudes or seeking vindication for one over the other. Plain and simple – they messed up. And we have forgiven most of them, either cause we believe that their talents outshine their deficits as men or because we believe they are genuinely sorry for their past actions. What I am saying is that this …. is a good thing. Show me a man without flaws and I’ll tell you his lawyer’s name. We are all inherently flawed because we are emotional beings and when they run high, we do crap. I think there is grave truth in the idea that forgiveness is something that we really do for ourselves and not for others – that we do it to ‘get well and move on.’ I really believe that forgiveness and reconciliation are an important part of our mental health and happy living.
It takes different people different amounts of time to heal though. And while we might think that some people hold on to grudges for way too long, sadly, it is what it is. We’ve just got to wait for them to come around. And so, a year later, I have forgiven Chris. And Kanye for Taylorgate. And Kim K for the secret butt lift and boob job. It will take me a bit longer to forgive some others I know. Hilary, you were way too harsh on my Bam man so you’re still on time out…. And maybe in about another 10 years, I’ll be over the evil I saw in his eyes and the thought of him using that gun.. There are some out there who I already have embraced and taken back into my life, but know that the pain that you caused is still there and I continue to grapple with it. But I have learned that I would rather work toward creating new happy memories than being stuck in a dark, sad past where we were. At the same time, I hope that time passes when I too am forgiven by those I have hurt along the way. I am working on it day by day. Know that I think about you and that I wish at times I could hit a Bed Bath & Beyond store and cop that remote like Adam Sandler did in Click. If it were that easy to revisit the past and change a few things… Sadly, this surely is not gonna happen. But what I do know is that while we all wish that we could erase some negative instances from our memories, remember that they are still significant. Sometimes, things may seem really bad, but maybe here is some other planet’s hell… Without those trials, we’d never be able to relish or savor the happy moments in our lives. So let’s embrace those difficult moments, that stored pain, and use it as fuel along life’s journey…
“The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.” Unknown.
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